We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
