just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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