sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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