Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
