He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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