he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
