oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Randomize
