apparently the secret to your success is patron
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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