i can't believe i had my finger in that
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
