Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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