I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
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He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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