TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
