i need an iv and a liver transplant
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
