Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
