I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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