Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
