There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Randomize
