i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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