It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
