Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I love having hate sex.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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