At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
