I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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