i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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