I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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