thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
