You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My ATM looks so different sober.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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