Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
