Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
