Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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