cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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