Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
