Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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