you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
