I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
