I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize
