the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
