I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize