also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
