This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
