the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
