No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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