Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
