Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
