like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
