Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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