it was like his penis was on wheels.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
