The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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