FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
