It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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