i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
