All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Four minutes until I can fart!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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