you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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