so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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