hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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