just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
