at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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