man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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