You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
