life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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