I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
