So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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