i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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