he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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