i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
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Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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