I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
