I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
