Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Randomize
