So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
